Raising confident children

Life today is far more complicated than it was in our grandmother's day. The nuclear family has been virtually dissolved, along with the family support network. Lives lived at lightning speed further the demands of parenting. Tight schedules complicate the task. We can no longer rely on Grandmas and aunts and uncles to watch over our kids when work requires us to be away.

The latch-key child is becoming more the norm than the anomaly. With less time to interact and monitor our children's activities, raising confident children becomes more challenging. Yet this is one of the most important duties of a parent. Raising confident children is an imperative, if we hope to send our children off into the adult world with the best chance of successful, happy lives. Let's take a look at some initiatives we can implement to accomplish this all important task.

Perhaps the best place to start is with an examination of what detracts from this objective. Today's parents are pressed for time. Children without adequate supervision, attention and guidance are not competent to deal with daily situations, such as bullying and peer pressure. Left unattended, just these two factors can result in a lifelong lack of confidence in their own abilities.

A busy, albeit well-meaning parent may be so caught up in the practical aspects of making ends meet on a day-to-day basis, children's worries and doubts take an unfortunate second place. To make things worse, the child often subverts their own needs because they are sensitive to the demands of life on their parents.

Now let's look at ways to combat this syndrome. Raising confident children requires great sensitivity to the small, but meaningful interactions with society, from a child's point of view. Although your boss may demand top-notch performance from you, you must take a time out from your own worries to address the equally daunting demands on your children.

Here are a few simple steps you can take to raise confident children. First, spend time talking with them about the events of their day. Make the conversation go beyond a general inquiry on how school activities went today. Ask about friends, see if they encountered any problems and find out how you can help.

Pay attention to their strengths and weaknesses and address each in turn. Give ample praise on a job well done. Let them know that you observe their talents in whatever areas in which they excel. Ask their opinion on how you might help them resolve problems. If Jimmy got into a physical confrontation with a schoolmate, find out how the situation got out of control. As an adult, you can give your child guidance on alternate methods of dealing with the situation. Let your children know you are there for them. Intervene as necessary.

Raising confident children is a delicate balance between supporting their accomplishments and teaching them how to handle the difficulties life presents in a more productive way.

Children of divorce

Children of divorce often suffer unnecessarily, how to avoid mistakes!

With almost half of the marriages in the U.S. ending in divorce, there are a lot of children who become afflicted with psychological, physical and social problems, which are almost entirely preventable. While you might have tried every avenue of trying to renew your relationship, went to marriage counseling or spoke with your religious adviser, sometimes there's just no viable answer. Whatever the reasons, sometimes it's better for every one concerned, including your children, to get a divorce and go your separate ways. When children hear or see their parents fighting all the time, they know you're both unhappy and they become unhappy as well.

If you find you and your spouse simply cannot resolve your differences, there are a few things you must do to promote a positive outcome for your kids. Children of divorce commonly feel that the divorce is their fault. Unless you handle your divorce in an apparently amicable manner, at least in front of the children, you're going to fuel a host of problems for the kids, both now and later.

It's essential that both parents sit down with the kids and make it crystal clear that the situation is not their fault. Let them know that adults are capable of making mistakes, and that both you and your spouse are just no longer able to communicate or get along, due to mistakes on both sides. Perhaps you married too young, before you were psychologically prepared for marriage, or grew apart over the years, developing into your own adulthood, taking different directions. If this is the case, this might be appropriate to mention during your discussion. The most important element of your talk should be to eliminate the blame game. Never bad mouth your spouse to your children. Otherwise, children of divorce often take the blame on themselves, while others blame one parent or the other, leading to some serious problems that will follow them for years.

Children of divorce also commonly feel guilt out of their own feelings of loyalty to one parent or another, which may be simply age related. Young girls may still be more attached to Mom, while older boys might favor Dad's position, blaming Mom for the divorce. This is why it's so important to nip such thoughts in the bud. Let the children know that you will both love each of them forever and that you know that they love both of you. Explain that, while you and your spouse will not be living together, you expect that the kids will be sharing time in each of your homes.

Divorce is always painful. You never planned on your relationship ending in divorce. However, you and your spouse are the adults and you must give all of your support to the kids now, if you hope for them to continue with healthy relationships of their own, both with friends and their parents. Children of divorce are so vulnerable. It's up to you to make this transition to a new life as easy as possible, for their sake.

Children of divorce, handled improperly, can lead to childhood anxiety, insomnia and even depression. Discipline problems can creep into the mix as well.

You may find it helpful to obtain a book on child psychology or child development, of the self-help type. If you can afford it, a session or two with a child psychologist may be of immeasurable help in guiding your kids along a healthy path.

You owe this to your kids. With the right care, children of divorce can be happy and well adjusted individuals whose love for each of you is unconditional.